so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
