dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
