No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize