Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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