It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
