I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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