well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
