Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
