people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
