I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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