Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
