Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
