I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize