You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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