just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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