apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
