Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize