OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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