well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
