I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize