Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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