We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
