your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
