I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
