so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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