why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
