her vagine was all disorganized.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
