Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize