It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
