you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
