Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
