You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
