I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize