im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
