I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
