k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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