I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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