you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
