Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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