Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
