In the future we'll all be gay
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize