Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
