Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
