Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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