She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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