God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize