very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize