my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
