Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
