I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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