Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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