also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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