i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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