arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
