i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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