Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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