I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
