I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
