I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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