And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize