I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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