I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
