Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I touched a dick in church today
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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