What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
