The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
