My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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