I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
