Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You ruined the universe
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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