I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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