you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
