oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize