Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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