drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
