OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
