I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
