You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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