Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I need to calm my uterus...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
