Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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