my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
