He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
