You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
