I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
