Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
