Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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