I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize