He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
