Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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