Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
