Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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