Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
