he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
