How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize