drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize