i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
