I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize