Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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