I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
