i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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