I got chris browned last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
