Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
