I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize