note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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