The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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