he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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