I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pappa wants mamma naked
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i think i just lost a toe
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