Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What drink are we having for lunch?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
