A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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