i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize