I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
third nipple confirmed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
